Because God is Good ALL the Time

I know I haven't written in quite a while, but I have something to talk about today.  It's been percolating in my mind for a long time, but it hasn't made it into written form because, well, I just don't have a lot of extra time or energy for thinking these days. :)  But I think this is among the more important and, hopefully, edifying things I have to say, and it's also part of my story and part of my spiritual journey.

Last fall, when I had my big anatomy ultrasound during my pregnancy with Abigail, they found a potential problem.  It turns out that because of my three previous C-sections and the position of the placenta during this pregnancy (anterior and low), I was at high risk for a particular complication called placenta accreta.  This is where the placenta actually grows into the scar from the previous surgeries.  If it is mild and rather shallow, it might not cause any problems at all.  However, the ultrasound doctor told me it was possible that because it has the potential to cause more serious problems, as well (I later found out that in more serious cases, the placenta can grow through the scar, creating a danger of uterine rupture, and it can even grow into other organs, which would make for a very complicated surgery), what they'd do if I do had it was to admit me to the hospital at 35 weeks to watch me for any signs of things going wrong so they could just pop me right over to the OR and do surgery at the drop of a hat, if necessary.  Then she looked me in the eye and said, "Do you have someone to watch your kids if you need it?"

And that's when I knew that this was serious.  She actually asked me that question.  Which meant that it could actually happen.

I left that ultrasound appointment thinking I was okay, but by the time I got to my car, I was trembling.  I am a strong, reasonable person, but this affected me.  And the really stinky part was that they would not be able to confirm whether or not I had placenta accreta for eight weeks, which meant I had to go the next two months not knowing if my baby and I were in danger or not.

For the most part, I decided to try not to dwell on it.  What was the use?  Worrying would not help me one bit.  It would steal my joy.  But late one night, in a stunningly stupid move, I googled it.  I googled my potential health problem at 11:30pm when my husband was out of the country.  STUPID.  And y'all, let me tell you something.  You get one set of results when you google "placenta accreta."  You get an entirely different and much scarier set of results when you google "placenta accreta after three C-sections."  Stuff started popping up like "Placenta Accreta Survivors" and "maternal death rates."  WHAT???  I completely--completely--freaked out.  I was a complete wreck and wasn't able to go bed for the next two hours.  Then, the next morning, I got up and shakily went through my day.

Over the next two months, as I waited for that next ultrasound, I was tested.  I am not a natural worrier, so it was a new experience for me to be so incredibly worried.  And not just worried, but really upset.  Stunningly sad.  Confused, because I couldn't understand why God would pick us for this to happen to.  The reality of the fact that we live in a fallen world where "the rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous alike" was staring me in the face, and it was scary.

Most of the time, I was perfectly fine.  I functioned fine.  I went forward with my regular routine.  Certainly, my emotions were closer to the surface (especially at church; suddenly, there was always something said that would prick my spirit and seemed so poignant that I would choke down tears), but overall, I did not let it affect me when I was on the clock with my kids.  Life went on.  But when I laid down at night, my mind would run--sprint--to scenario-making.  Mostly, I thought about what it'd be like if my kids lost their mom.  Should I make each of my kids a video?  I ran an entire speech to each child through my head.  Should I set aside a piece of jewelry for my girls and arrange for someone to give it to them on their 16th birthdays?  Or would 18th be better?  What would Jane do and say when she received it?  Would she cry?  When they were brides, would my girls want to wear my wedding dress?  All these things made me so, so sad to think about.

And then I realized why I was so incredibly upset.  It was because of this:
If I died, then my kids and my husband would lose me, and that would be horribly sad, and it would scar them and cause repercussions throughout their lives, and that would be terrible.  But I would lose ALL of them.  For me, it would be as if they had all died.

And when I realized that, I finally understood why I was so sad.  Look; I am a Christian.  I have faith that when I pass away, I will go to heaven and be with God.  I know that I will have unspeakably more glorious experiences in the presence of the Creator of the universe than I will even being my kids' mother.  I know that a veil will be lifted and that I will finally know fully, just as I am fully known.  I know that death will be gain.  But I would still not get to be the one who raised my kids, who hugged them goodnight every day, who protected them and taught them, who loved them day in and day out for years and years.  And I realized that, for me, missing all of that was unthinkable.

And this led me to my second realization:
I am called to motherhood.  Now, I knew that before.  But not in the same way.  I didn't have the same stern certainty in my gut about it before.  I wasn't unshakeable in my calling.  But when I was in danger of having it taken away, let me tell you--there was nothing in this life that I was upset about giving up except raising my children.  And I knew that I knew that I knew that it is what I am *called* to do.  It goes beyond doing what seems right at the time or choosing to do what makes the most sense for our family.  It is beyond a choice.  It is a conviction.  It is a certainty.

And out of that rose a beauty in this period that I cherish.  I loved those kids even more.  I slowed down and learned to cherish them.  I laughed with Noah.  I took more time with Jane.  When I laid down with Clara at naptime, I marveled at the slope of her little chubby cheek and adored her curls.

When the eight weeks was up, Nathan and I went in for the ultrasound appointment, and the doctor at Texas Children's Hospital who is an expert in using ultrasound to diagnose this particular complication was there.  After doing some thorough checking, he told us that he saw no sign of placenta accreta.  From my research, I knew that I had over a 60% chance of having it, to one degree or another.  But I did not.

It is a testament to how stressed I had been that when I got that news, I did not feel relief or elation; I felt sleepy.  All I wanted was a nap.  I was surprised at this, but it makes sense--as much as I had tried to be sensible and normal, I had become worn out with worry and sadness.  And now I could finally relax.

When people who knew about the possible complications first asked me about the result of the ultrasound, my instinct was to say things like, "God is good" and "God is faithful."  But as soon as they came out of my mouth the first time, I sensed in my spirit that those were not the right words.  After thinking about it, I came to understand what I believe is the most important lesson I learned through this whole experience, and it is this:

God is good.  And God is faithful.  But his goodness and faithfulness have little to do with whether or not he 100% protects me from harm.  Goodness and faithfulness are part of his character, day in and day out; they have been part of him in the same immense degree since before time began, and they will be part of him through eternity.  Who am I, after all?  Although I am his treasured child and he wants the best for me, I am not that important.  Job was far more righteous and humble and faithful than I am, and God allowed him to be tested far more.  No, my circumstances do not reflect God's faithfulness and goodness.  If I had died, he would still be good.  He would still be faithful.

So what was the proper response?  I feel certain it is this: "I am grateful."  Because he does not have to preserve my life.  He does not have to let me raise my babies.  He does not have to bless us.  He doesn't even have to let me take my next breath.  But he has done all of this for me.

After I realized this, I changed the language of my response.  "I do not have any complications. I am so grateful!"  And I was.  Today, I have a six week old little girl, Abigail Marie.  She is perfect, and I am healthy.  And I am so grateful.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like the shifting shadows."  James 1:17

Crash and Conundrum

Y'all.  Our laptop suffered a devastating crash about a week and a half ago.  It is only two years old, we have never EVER had anything near this kind of problem with our Macs, and it was really, really bad.  Not my-kid-spilled-milk-on-my-computer bad, because that, apparently, is way easier to fix than our problem.  Nope, this is the sorry-there-are-big-problems-with-your-hard-drive-and-even-the-recovery-software-you-paid-over-$100-for-tells-you-that-this-is-really-bad kind of bad.

I just went through the files that the recovery software was able to save, and you guys, it is all the junk.  I have about 50 pictures out of the thousands I have taken over the last year.  And beyond that, do you know what was saved?  One audiobook and the pictures that were in the trash.  UGH.  All the pictures of my babies since last Christmas are gone.  All the pictures from our 10th anniversary trip are gone.

By the look of things, this particular crash is more severe than the normal hard disk crash.  The people at Apple say they will replace the computer, but data recovery is up to us.  And beyond what we've already done, we'd really be looking at $1000 or more to recover the missing photos, if they are even recoverable at all.

So at this point, the only place that the best of my pictures exist is on Facebook.  And those are small enough files that they are not truly printable, because they'll never look good blown up to just about any size. 

What I'm trying to work through at the moment is whether or not it is worth it to try to recover these missing pictures.  Because I do still have the ones on Facebook, it is not a total loss.  But it does mean that I will never be able to print them successfully.  Is this a big deal?  I can't decide.  Up until Clara was born and the busyness of three kids prevented me from posting all the time, this blog was the place I stored all my pictures, I never printed a thing, and it didn't bother me in the least.  And I have still not printed much.

But, y'all, seriously, last week I was going to have stuff printed to fill a bunch of frames!  The timing on this crash stinks. 

So the lesson of the day is this: BACK UP YOUR FILES.

{Face palm.}

Y'all Remember?

Y'all remember when I used to write words on this blog?  Like, full sentences strung together in coherent thoughts? 

Yeah, me too.

:)

I actually have a post rolling around in my head.  If I ever get to it, I'll write it out.  In the meantime, I just wanted to drop in and say hello! 

A Family Session

Last weekend, I went to the park with some friends and took their family pictures.  I loved it.  And, as it turned out, they loved their pictures.  They'd never had a family photo done before, and when they asked me to do it, I said something to the effect of, "Well, I'm a very new photographer, and I can't guarantee they'll be awesome, but I'd love to do it."  And I think it's safe to say that we were all thrilled by how they turned out.  I sent them over 20 shots, and here are a couple of my favorites:

I was so happy that I was able to capture this family's joy and closeness.  And (bonus!) they are pretty awesome and treated us to dinner and a game night at their house.

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Before I showed up at the shoot, I made a list of poses to have them try, and most of them worked very well.  Here's a list, for my own future reference:

• Parents standing, touching, holding child
• Mom and Dad hug, child by legs
• Three pairs of feet
• Mom-child-Dad holding hands, crop Mom and Dad's upper body, shoot at child's level
• Each parent alone with child (snuggle, nuzzle, tickle, have Dad lie down and child piles on top)
•  All together, tickling (I believe that's what was happening in that first photo)
• Whisper to one another
• Reading together
• Child alone--"Do you see the butterfly in my camera?" (tried to elicit meaningful eye contact with viewer), look down (try to get lashes--this little lady was too quick!)
• Feed the ducks (particular to this location)

Although I didn't try for every single one of those poses, we did get 90% of them, and they were great.  I have been reading a lot about family photography and got lots of ideas from the Clickin' Moms blog (a great resource), among other places.

Camping!

We went camping last weekend!
After picking Nathan up from work a little early, we headed up to Huntsville State Park.

We brought the fishing poles and fished from the canoe.

Relaxin'

Nathan, setting up the tent.  Something he's done many a time.

Clara and her graham crackers.

Janey collected sticks for the fire.

Grandpa's here!

And these are memories I'll have of my dad always: setting up the camper.

What would camping be without a campfire?

Expert hands.  (I think we may have had hot dogs for every meal over the entire weekend.)

Camping naps are among the best. :)

A Glimpse

A glimpse into our home schooling time today:

He loved the surprise of sounding out "Hi" and that I wrote him a greeting made out of cookies.

Not Pretty

 So I took my nice camera with us when we went to play after Mother's Day Out today.  I figured I'd try to get a few fabulous play shots of my kids while we were there.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

It was not what I hoped.  Consider the following:

Clara crying, Jane trying to give Noah bunny ears, and Noah rebelling against the bunny ears.

Every mother's nightmare: the baby tries to climb the stairs every chance she gets.

Slumped shoulders.  I don't remember the problem, but I do remember "Oh Mo-o-om!"

 And the one that takes the cake:

This is what we call Jane's "Ugly Face."

She uses it whenever she is not getting her way, although it's not always accompanied by fist shaking.  I am often heard to say, "Jane!  Take off that Ugly Face!  Go throw it in the trash!!!"

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And that was our play time today.

Just a little dose of reality here on the blog.

Awry

How does a free outing turn into an expensive outing?

This is how:

You go to the museum on the free day.  "Thursdays, 3-6pm," they say on the website, "come and enjoy all the exhibits for free!"  What they don't say is that half of Houston shows up at 2:55pm, and that you should not expect to find a parking spot.

So, because your son has been looking forward to this museum visit for WEEKS and has especially been excited about it all day today, he cries and cries that he will not get to go, regardless of the fact that you promise that you'll cough up the admission fee and take him in the morning.  So you take all the kids to get frozen yogurt as a consolation prize.

Then, you go home and look up the cost of admission, which turns out to be more than you expect.  A museum membership for the year will pay for itself in two visits, so it makes more sense to get that.

FREE---------------------->EXPENSIVE

How did my plans go that wrong??!?

Well, you know, at least they are super adorable.  (Especially when they get frozen yogurt.)

Cough, Cough, Sniff, Sniff

I caught the kids' cold.  Except that it hit me far worse than it hit them.  Noah just complained that he didn't feel well for two days, and Jane and Clara were cranky and had runny noses.  But I have the runny nose, aches, tiredness, etc.  Thankfully, I'm not cranky . . . yet. ;)

We skipped church today because of the generally sick state of our family.  This morning, I dozed on the sofa and listened to Nathan make pancakes and feed the kids (Clara got her first taste of a chocolate chip pancake, thanks to Jane, who dropped a bite on the floor), and other than that, we've pretty much just been watching TV for much of the day.  Noah and Jane haven't put any clothes on--they're just running around in their underwear (actually, Jane is also wearing a tutu at the moment).  We are just having a lazy day.  At the moment, Clara is taking a long nap, blessed child, Noah and Jane are playing on the iPad, Nathan is at lunch with a friend, and I am lying on the couch after watching a whole bunch of cooking shows and reality TV.

Now, lest you think I've been lazy all day, I'll have you know that I got myself up long enough to shower and make the kids a peanut butter, honey, and banana sandwich.  And then I found another comfy spot and sank down for the duration.

Things I wish I could accomplish today: painting the last bit around a window upstairs, returning some too-wide bookshelves to IKEA, making the carrot ginger soup and bread I had planned for tonight's dinner, and finishing Jane's flower blanket (only the border left now!).

Usually it'd bother me more that I am not doing those things, but I'm content to just lie here today. 

Oh my gosh, I almost just wished you "goodnight."  It is only 2:45pm.  I'm going to take that as evidence that I must need a nap.

This and That

Jane and Noah's pajama day at Mother's Day Out

My Noah T.

Clara's first Chick Fil A

Spencer and Janey, playing in the sandbox

A morning at the beach

Clara's first trip to the beach

(I love that hat!)

Second Annual Full English Breakfast

Today, we had our second annual Wimbledon championship full English breakfast.

Tea with cream and sugar, scones with whipped cream and jam (Cornish or Devonshire?), eggs, sausage, bacon, baked beans, and mushrooms.  Quite a delicious spread!

Oh, how I love tea and scones.

A Nice Day

And now I sit--in bed, lamp on, a laptop being a ridiculous convenience, when you think about it--writing about what a nice day it's been.

Bright and early yesterday morning, we got up, got the kids out of bed, and headed out of town to go blueberry picking.  I love to pick fruit, and have long before I was a gardener and got interested in such things.  It started when I first went blueberry picking about ten years ago (at this same farm, now that I think of it).  Anyway, I always enjoy the picking process, how much cheaper you can usually buy the fruit for, and the absolute bounty you can drive home with.  I love how you can actually be in the position of finding as many recipes as you can to use up your ____ (blueberries, strawberries, peaches, apples...).  There is just something about the surfeit of one type of food that makes you feel like you are reveling in Plenty.  And having a large amount of one item also makes me feel connected to my farmer ancestors, who would have been doing what I'm doing with my blueberries: making hay while the sun shines, if I may use an agricultural expression.  Making lots of blueberry dishes while you have blueberries, then canning the rest, perhaps.

Anyway, I made a blueberry crisp last night (which, my friends, you must make if you ever have six cups of blueberries sitting around--seriously, ten years ago it made me a true blueberry fan), and since it was cooked after the kids went to bed, I let Noah and Jane have some for breakfast.  It does have fruit and oatmeal in it, after all.  Then, I made blueberry muffins and blueberry pancakes.  We had a regular blueberry feast for breakfast!  And breakfast wasn't until 10:00 (read: leisurely morning).

Clara was under the weather this morning, so we skipped church and stayed home.  Throughout the day, there was lots of neatening on my part, kiddie pool time for the kids, and video games for Nathan (his brother, Andrew, stayed with us this weekend).  My kitchen is now ready to face the week.  And I even watched a movie and relaxed a good bit.  I hand-pollinated my cucumbers to make sure they keep producing (I've picked three so far! Hooray!) and soaked some beans so I can plant them tomorrow.

Janey Beth has taken to making nests out of her bedding, putting her stuffed animals in the middle, then sleeping on top of them, pretending she's the mama bird.  It is the cutest thing.  Her bed is a complete mess, but that's nothing new (I even let them make pallets and sleep on the floor all last week). I love to see the sweet, nurturing side of her.  Sometimes I look at her little toddler face and wish I could bottle the cuteness so I could pull it out for a big jolt of joy and love whenever I want.  There is something about those little faces.

Noah has been wanting more of my affection lately.  He is very huggy these days.  And I've been so impressed at what a model of a big brother he's been to Clara this weekend.  While she's in a sitting position on the floor, he'll set himself down in front of her and just chat and play with her.  She loves it, and she is really loving that Noah these days.  He's getting some big smiles from Clara.  Unfortunately, though, he is really into antagonizing Jane.  It's actually beginning to be a real problem.

I can relate to that, honestly.  I loved to antagonize my little brother, too.  Specifically, I tickled him.  He was (and still is) incredibly, incredibly ticklish, and I took full advantage of it.  Tickled him to the point of cruelty.  I probably scarred him for life.  My parents tried everything to make me stop.  The only thing that worked was to make me pay him--first a quarter, then a dollar--whenever I tickled him.  That made me stop, more or less.  But sometimes, oh sometimes, it was worth that dollar.

Well, we'll work with my Noah.  As for little Clara, she is, as always, a sweet baby.  Although her least endearing quality these days is that she is experimenting with her voice.  Actually, she is screaming.  Screaming just for the fun of it.  Screaming with everything she's got.  Screaming so big I can see to the back of her throat.  Screaming until she shakes a tiny bit.  It does not make for an easy dinner conversation, I'll tell you that.  We've also discovered that she is extremely sensitive to mosquito bites.  Each mark swells to the size of a quarter.  It is so awful looking, but it doesn't seem to bother her much, which I can't believe.  I'm going to have to start using the car seat mosquito netting that for some reason I have. 

I finished my last flower square tonight!  I took care that the last square I made was one with a pink flower.  The pink flowers, after all, were the first ones I made and more or less inspired the rest of the blanket.  Now all I need to do is block the remaining squares, join them together, and crochet a border.  Give me a couple of weeks.

Sleep is calling me.  Down goes the computer.  Goodnight!

Rice's Centennial

Last weekend, we went to Rice for some of the centennial celebrations.  Nathan's parents came into town to go to the football game and attend a couple of receptions, and while those weren't really practical with a newborn, Nathan and I did decide to take the kids and go to the alumni mixer at our old residential college, Baker.

Here we are in the Baker Commons.  We had lunch together here almost every day for most of our college years.  This is also where we met for the first time during O-week.  He asked me if the BU on my shorts stood for Baylor University, I said yes (I had transferred from there), and I asked him how he would have guessed that.  He said his dad was a professor there, I asked him what he taught, he said Physics, and I said something like, "Oh, I wouldn't have had him, then."  It was a completely romantic conversation, was it not?  ;)

This is the Baker College library.  When Nathan took Jane in here, they agreed that it looks JUST LIKE the library from Beauty and the Beast.

For the centennial, Rice had a lot of neat events planned, including a very elaborate light show on the beautiful Lovett Hall, which normally looks like this:

We didn't get to stay for the light show, but evidently part of it looked like this.  Pretty incredible!

Go owls!

Three Funny Things

The three funniest things I've seen on the internet in forever:

Flight of the Conchords Loves the Kids
(Be sure to watch the kid interviews; that's what makes the song at the end so funny.)

The Hunger Games - A Bad Lip Reading
(So random it's funny.  "And that's how babies grow....")

One Woman's Terrible Third Date Story
(Warning: bathroom humor here.  I didn't think I'd think it was funny, but I totally laughed to the point of tears--Nathan, too.)

Obviously, I have been watching a few things late at night when I am just a wee bit tired.  That may account for my thinking they are that much funnier....

Prayers, Please!

Y'all, I just realized that this little cold I've got could potentially develop into a cough just in time for me to have major abdominal surgery next week.  This possibility is terrifying me a little bit!  Just the thought of coughing while trying to recover . . . ouch!  I just had to post this so I could ask you all to please pray for God to heal me of this quickly and that a cough does not develop!

Another Baby Update

Hey folks,

Did I mention I'm having a baby two weeks from tomorrow?  Crazy!

I had another appointment today, and here are the specs: the baby is a little lower, but still pretty high.  I'm a little bit effaced, and I'm 1 cm. dilated.  So there won't be any baby today, but my body is certainly moving along a bit.  Hopefully, this baby will wait until the right day to make her appearance, getting as developed and healthy as can be in the meantime.

In other news, my blood pressure is good, my weight is holding steady at 35 lbs. (the same as last week, which is hard for me to believe after how much/badly we ate on our little family vacation this weekend), and Little Girl's heartbeat was about 130.  All good.

Various and Sundry

My gosh, y'all, I cannot seem to keep my thoughts together long enough to write a thoughtful blog post.  I had started some posts about some reflections I've had recently on motherhood, but my brain feels so fragmented that I can't even seem to type them up coherently.  I blame pregnancy.  There is something to this "pregnancy brain," I'm telling you.  It reminds me of those "This is your brain on drugs" commercials from the 80's, except, in my case, this is my brain on hormones.

So since I can't seem to put together anything longer than a few sentences these days, here are some random thoughts, instead.

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I've been thinking about our old life in Boston a lot lately.  Lots of unrelated things have crossed my path recently that have caused me to turn my mind towards that period of our lives:

• Lately (and I promise this is actually not because I'm having dark thoughts about the evil Houston summer), I've been reminiscing about the crisp fall and winter New England air.  About how I used to open the bathroom window when it was 17 degrees outside and watch the hot and cool air collide and make a magnificent fog when I was in the shower, and how invigorating it felt to have cold air rolling in while I showered with extra hot water.  I've also been thinking about how much I do still miss a proper autumn, with sweaters and crisp air and the beautiful leaves and the bite of the occasional windy day (although I don't know that I'll ever again have the terrible pangs for it that I did that first fall in Houston).  On a related note, I've often considered making myself a cup of hot tea in the evenings over the last few months, but it you just can't enjoy it in the same way when it's been over 90 degrees all day long.
• A friend from Houston is going on vacation to Boston and Martha's Vineyard this week.
• A good friend from Boston is starting a homeschooling adventure of her own with her son, focusing on a similar educational model that Noah's school will be using, so we've been chatting a bit more lately and comparing notes.
• I was reminded recently of how another friend came over to my house when Noah was only about three weeks old and washed a sinkful of dishes, and how I have never forgotten that act of service at a time when I felt so completely overwhelmed. 
• And, of course, we took a little drive out to the new Houston area Trader Joe's and picked up several of our favorite items there. 

I don't really have a point here; just that Boston has been on my mind more lately, which is certainly not an unlovely thing.

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It's hard to believe, but this is my 1014th post on this blog.  What the heck?!  I had meant to do something special on the 1000th post, but it just slipped by without my noticing it.  So here's my little acknowledgement of the fact that this blog has turned into a great thing for me.  Thank you to those who still stick around and read it from time to time!

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Garden update: The summer garden is kaput.  I very much enjoyed my garden this year, but I did not get as into it as last summer, mainly because of other projects around the house and my limited energy the last few months.  I'd say we had moderate success.  As you know, several of my tomato plants produced like crazy.  But, sadly, four of my heirloom tomatoes never produced fruit, the squash and cucumbers quit producing after I got busy and didn't water for a week or so, and the bell peppers had their one flush of fruit and then were finished.  The cayennes are finally starting to get going (I wish they had been producing at the same time as my tomatoes!), and the herbs are mostly looking good and holding on.  Mint tea has been a staple at our house this summer, and it's quite yummy.  It's time to start thinking about planting seeds for my fall garden, but--let's be realistic, here--that is probably not going to happen.  I might throw a few seeds directly into the ground and see if we get any winter squash, but I am not going to 1.) kill myself bending over with this huge belly in the Houston August heat or 2.) expect too much gardening maintenance from myself after I have a baby in a month.  So we will just see how it goes and enjoy whatever gets produced.  My perspective for my fall garden is that anything beyond nothing is a happy thing.  There is something to be said for low expectations, friends. ;)

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My belly is very large, y'all.  It is seriously starting to get in the way.  You know that things have reached kind of a pathetic point when you drop something at the grocery store and an old lady steps in to pick it up.  Not a spry young or middle-aged lady, but an old, old lady.  As if she is in better shape to pick something up off the floor than I am (which she was).  

I will be 35 weeks on Thursday of this week.  I'll try to have Nathan take another pregnancy photo of me. I think my belly is about as big as it was with Noah and Jane and probably no larger, but that doesn't make it any less amazing to the occasional stranger who says, "You must be due any day now!" (been getting that one since I was only 7 months) or "Are you having twins?"  And I've seen two babies in the last couple of days at 8-12 weeks old who are literally smaller than my kids ever were.  An 8.5 lb. baby looks tiny to me!

The heat is not affecting me too badly; I'm not swelling, except that I have had to switch to my heirloom wedding ring rather than my own, because mine won't fit over my knuckle anymore.  I only occasionally feel extremely drained by the weather, and, when it happens, I think it may have more to do with the humidity than the heat.  Mainly, the only time I feel really hot is at night, when I wake up constantly if I feel warm.  It has gotten to the point that we keep the thermostat down fairly low, the ceiling fan stays on all night, and I sleep with just a sheet on me.  This is completely abnormal for a girl who usually pulls the covers up to her chin out of habit and for comfort, no matter the temperature in the house.  Often, Nathan wakes up cold because somehow the comforter has slipped off him, too, and now he's exposed to the cool house + ceiling fan.  He should really just huddle closer to me, in that case, since he keeps telling me whenever I lay a hand on his arm that I feel like a heater.

By the way, the C-section is scheduled for September 7.  We chose a Friday so that family can come visit over the weekend if they want.  Although I'm a little nervous about having such major surgery, I have had it twice before, so I won't be going into it completely green.  Having it in a new hospital with a new doctor does add to my nerves, but we'll actually be at a great hospital, and my doctor is supposed to be very well respected there.  Bonuses this round include: 1.) I get to have my baby 6 days early instead of 2-5 days late.  Hooray!  Every day you don't have to be 9 months pregnant is a plus, in my book.  And 2.) I don't have to labor and have major surgery this time.  I'm happy to just do one or the other and not both this round.

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Hey, look, y'all!  I wrote paragraphs!!

Good night.

"Lauren's To Do List," or "Procrastination by Way of Writing a Blog Post"

What I've already done today:

1. Attended both kids' Mother's Day parties at Mother's Day Out.
2. Went to Lowe's and picked up a bunch of gardening stuff.
3. Made some overdue phone calls.
4. Completely doused nearly my entire garden in soapy water to try to get rid of bugs--particularly some stink bug nymphs and some nasty little caterpillars that I have found eating leaves on nearly every plant. My dress is wet and a little soapy in the front.

Things I still need to do today:

1. Prep a lesson for Noah's Kingdom Kids group today--it's my turn to teach.
2. Prep for a talk I'm giving to my mom's middle school class tomorrow.  Sigh.  I don't have the first clue about how to talk to middle schoolers.  Plus, it's at 8am; we might need some divine help to get us out of the house in time.
3. Use our borrowed carpet shampooer, because our carpet is starting to bother me.
4. Drop off some drycleaning.
5. Run by the bank.
6. Make tonight's dinner for my family and start to prep the dinner I'm taking to a group of 10 tomorrow.
7. Go over the harmonies I'll be singing with Sarah at her concert on Thursday, because there's a rehearsal tonight.

Just about all of that has to be done within the next two hours.  Can I do it?!?!

21 Weeks

As of today, I'm 21 weeks along in my pregnancy.  Wow!  The first half has gone by so quickly!  However, I think that this second half will be quite a bit harder--it's already getting more difficult, for several reasons.

1. Probably about two thirds of the people who ask me when I'm due say, "Oh, you're going to have to go through the Texas summer!"  Insert dread here.  There have already been some days when the heat and humidity have had this odd sapping effect on me as soon as I walk outside. And as soon as I walk back inside, I'm fine.

2. I'm due September 13, but I'll have a C-section sometime during the week before (I was close to having a baby on my birthday, which is September 14!).  So, technically, I have about 18 weeks to go.  However, I am already huge.  And I'm not just saying that because I have some skewed perception of myself because I'm looking with biased eyes.  I truly do have a large pregnant belly.  I remember that when I was at about 20 weeks with Noah, an older lady told me, with popping eyes, that I looked like I was about to deliver.  I was fairly horrified, but that was my first pregnancy, when I was disturbed by all the crazy things happening to my body.  At this point, I am over all of that, and, of course, since this is my third pregnancy, I'm bigger than I was in my first.  Yesterday, I spoke with a woman who clearly thought I was about to have this baby, and I was not offended at all; on the contrary, I find it a bit amusing to tell people that, no, I'm actually only halfway there.  (And then they cover their shock by saying, as you might predict, "Oh no, you'll have to go through the Houston summer!")

3. The thing about having a large baby belly is not so much the spectacle of it but the discomfort of it.  Last weekend, I was very hungry and wanted to eat all the time.  As soon as I realized it, I knew what was happening: I was about to pop some more.  This baby and all those support systems my body has built were growing.  And, sure enough, a couple of days later, I was noticeably larger.  (And, as it turns out, since I unexpectedly had two ultrasounds two weeks apart, I found out that the baby did go from 8 oz. to 12 oz. in that period.  I mean, they do grow fast, but still!  There was definitely a growth spurt in there!)  And as soon as I got that little bit bigger, I suddenly started feeling uncomfortable.  I had trouble putting socks on.  In fact, bending over for any reason got harder.  I still have the same level of energy, thank goodness, but I can tell that I'm going to get pretty huge this round, and I can't say I am looking forward to how I'll be feeling and getting around those last couple of months.  It's one reason to be thankful I'll be having this baby a week early instead of a week late, like the last two!

4. A few weeks ago, I was very sick for about a week.  In the end, it looked like I caught a virus from Noah and Jane, but whereas it only took them down for about 24 hours, it took me down for close to a week.  It was also accompanied by a monster headache, which is what precipitated the early ultrasound--the headache was so severe (even Vicodin + Tylenol didn't eradicate it) that we wanted to make sure the baby was okay.  This doesn't really affect how I'll be feeling for the remainder of my pregnancy, but I actually did feel a bit of shock that I felt so very bad.  This pregnancy had been fairly easy so far--definitely the smoothest of the three--and since no one knew what was wrong with me for several days, and since my symptoms pointed to something that was possibly ongoing and not just my body fighting off a virus and making me feel crummy, it made me feel as if it was the demarcation point from smooth sailing to rougher seas.  Thankfully, there's nothing really wrong with me or the baby, healthwise.  Hopefully, nothing more than a giant belly and a hot summer!

Lately

Noah and Jane in a sandbox at my parents' house.
They sure do love a good sandbox!

Noah's friend, Saber, had a field day birthday party. Here's the sack race. Look who's in the lead!

The winner!

Jane and Noah took good swings at the pinata, which ended up being completely indestructible. In the end, the parents had to stab it and rip it open to get the candy out.

Happy girl.

Noah and me!

Grandpa, swinging Noah T.

On the carousel at the mall. He was mad that we were going to leave after only one ride.

But I told him to be grateful and smile. It was less that I cajoled him into it and more that I threatened him into it. Ha! My parenting skills could probably use some work here.

Jane is a climber and is constantly getting up onto the counter and swiping fruit for herself.
She doesn't usually get three or four at a time, though.

Nathan, after cutting down some extra brush in our backyard, including a tree. (We have all KINDS of stuff growing back there--ugh.) If you can believe it, there is still an incredible amount of stuff to pull up or cut down.

The kids with my mom at her desk at school.

We went strawberry picking a couple of weeks ago! Here's Jane with her friend, Elizabeth.

Noah, Jane, and their friend, Moriah.

And my cuties.