Important Lessons

Every so often, I feel a special little glow of satisfaction when I feel like I've really gotten through and taught an important lesson to Noah. I would count my parenting years as a success if I can shape his heart in a godly way. But any mother would tell you that most of your instruction tends to deal with the external, right-now issues that are happening at any given moment, and the things that tend to come out of my mouth at times like those are "Be kind," "No hitting!" "Come here," "You must obey Mommy," etc. Those are all appropriate lessons at the time, but lately I've been trying to make sure I also take the time to thoughtfully present other, deeper concepts to Noah, moving from things like gentleness, politeness, and sharing to deeper heart matters like self-control and contentment.

Lately, there have been a couple of little lessons at our house when I felt like I found a way for him to really grasp a deeper concept. One of them he got right away; the other is a work in progress.

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Example 1:

Yesterday, as we got in the car, Noah proudly announced, "Mommy! I told my hand, 'I'm the boss of you!'" I did not know what he was talking about at first. But then I remembered a conversation from the day before when I told him to say just that.

You see, Noah has a problem with sticking his finger into . . . well, an orifice in his face. Ha! I don't know how to say it nicely. But you know what I mean. It's a yucky habit. And we've talked about that a lot. Finally, instead of saying, "Stop picking" for the four thousandth time, I said, "Noah, the next time you see your hand coming up to your face, you just look at your hand and say, 'No, hand! I'm the boss of you, hand! You can't do that!' Because you are in control of your hand, Noah, and you can make it do what you want. That's called self-control." So we joked about it a little and practiced saying, "I'm the boss of you, hand!"

And, shockingly, it worked! Now, I know that instruction is always going to work better with Noah if he is 1.) cajoled into it or 2.) feels some ownership of it, but I am just not always creative enough to come up with a way to teach him every last issue with those things in mind. But this "I'm the boss of you" business really hit the nail on the head for him. I hope it sticks, because self-control is a major issue for anyone, but especially a three year old!

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Example 2:

There have been a few times lately when Noah has gotten very upset because he couldn't have something. Today, for example, he got upset while we were driving because I told him that, no, we could not stop and get some chicken nuggets. Or sometimes he'll be sad that it's getting dark and it's too late to go to the park. Then there's the ubiquitous toddler/preschooler experience of wanting the toy that the other kid has. And sometimes he gets upset because he didn't get more of something that was a surprise, anyway. For example, if he gets a handful of M&M's as a special surprise, you can bet that he will complain that I won't give him more once he has eaten all he's got. So one day, I got fed up with it and said, "Noah, if you can learn to be happy with what you've got, you'll be a lot smarter than a lot of grown-ups." And, y'all, you know that is the truth!

So far, this lesson hasn't really stuck. But considering that I'm not always content with what I've got, I am not expecting really high marks on this issue from a three year old. And, yes, I know that what I said was born out of exasperation and doesn't really espouse the "ownership" and "cajoling" concepts I mentioned earlier, so this lesson probably needs some work. But I do have to tell you that as a little girl, I probably would have totally jumped on anything that made me smarter than a grown-up, so if Noah is anything like me (and he definitely is), then it might click for him in the end, after all.

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So, all you parents out there, I'd love to hear from you. Have you found a way to explain a deep concept to your kids that was successful? Do you have a turn of phrase that seems to click with them? Or have you thought of a lesson that taught them something important? Or, to both the parent and the non-parent readers--do you remember a lesson that clicked for you when your parents did a certain thing or said it a certain way? I'm interested in what you all have to say.